The birth of the journey

Now I realise the journey towards birth and motherhood begins long before the pangs of labour do but for me, the birth of my eldest son was an epiphany for me which cemented our path towards natural parenting.

I guess the most poignant part of my birth is knowing that it could have gone so differently. I could have been one of those women passionate about VBAC, or I could be one of those women who sprout the benefits of epidurals and drug however I was... lucky.

Lucky, not because i think luck plays a major part in the birth process but lucky that along my journey from conception to birth I met so many people who through their experiences and understanding guided me on my path towards an empowering birth and parenting journey, most of all the miraculous midwife who participated in my birth.

I was 21 years old and 36 weeks pregnant with my first child. I had no siblings who had given birth, in fact I had never seen a woman give birth - unless you count those ridiculous scenes in movies where the woman lies on her back screaming for drugs and assaulting every man that walks into the room. I had only ever seen a woman breastfeed her child once in my life. I was booked into a private hospital in Brisbane under the care of an OB. So you can see how my birthing journey could have very easily turned out differently.

So at 36 weeks my OB advised me to go into the hospital on the following Monday the 23rd of December to have my blood pressure checked as it had risen and I was puffed up like a balloon. I spent the weekend downing fish oil and milk after reading a study which showed it could lower blood pressure and chances of pre-eclampsia. I toddled into the hospital that Monday at 9am with no bag packed but a sinking feeling that I wouldn't be doing much running around between now and New Years. At 10am after much monitoring and blood tests I was informed by the staff that I needed to see the doctor as they suspected I had pre-eclampsia.

At 11am the doctor examined me, finding my cervix at 4cm dilation and told me he believed I would be having my baby very soon. My emotions swivelled from intense excitement that finally I was going to meet my baby and fear of induction. Because I wasn't keen on induction he agreed to wait for the blood test results before deciding. I spent the next 2 hours alternating from doing squatting and hip rotations in the toilet and pacing the hills outside the hospital, hoping against hope I could bring on labour before the induction was decided on. Of all the things I wished to avoid - it was induction. I had heard horror stories of the pain and the effect induction could have on the intensity and timing of contractions. I was also keenly aware of the cascade of interventions that often sees induction lead to an epidural and then a c-section.

By 1pm I was told to go to the hospital immediately for induction, blood tests were not good and baby was arriving either today or tomorrow. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins and I knew that was not going to help me. I begged them to let me go home and pack my bags and see if I could get things started myself. But no I was to go directly to the hospital and the doctor would be there within 30 minutes to break my waters.

So a waddled to the hospital and back into the maternity ward assuring my husband he had plenty of time to go home and get my gear before we got started. A midwife very ungraciously accepted my request to eat something before labour started as I hadn't eaten all day. She was a grumpy old thing and luck was on my side as her shift was almost over.

When the doctor arrived at 1:30pm to break my waters I enquired about letting me go for a while before the syntocin was started to see if labour would establish itself but no he claimed due to my blood pressure we wanted to get things finished up quickly and being my first baby he expected baby would be born possibly tomorrow if we were lucky. Although I hope he had my and baby's best interests at heart I can't help thinking it may have had something to do with the fast approaching Christmas season?

I still remember vividly the way my baby struggled as my waters were broken, as if in a panic by the sudden loss of it's protective and peaceful bubble. I can still feel that horible desperate squirming feeling when I think about it.

At 1:45 I had my first contraction. It came like a wave rippling over my body and I mentioned to the grumpy midwife. Her response to the young little upstart was that it couldn't possibly be and "trust me when you have a contraction you'll know about it". I was hooked up to a monitor which registered the next contraction which rocked me harder than the first. I was flat on my back hooked up to a machine and extremely tense. It hurt. I needed to up, every inch of my body was screaming at me to get up out of the bed. But I lied there alone and gritted my teeth.
Again I asked if the Syntocin could wait now that I was having contractions but again it was refused. The doctor wanted the contraction 2min apart as soon as possible. But yes I could get out of bed if I really wanted too.

When the next contraction came I got out of bed and despite being hooked up to a drip and a blipping machine began rocking through the contraction. And that was how the midwife who would become my angel found me. She had a copy of my birth plan in her hand and we talked through it as I moved with the contractions. As the contractions came faster I began squatting as I reached the apex. It felt natural. I was no longer in control of my body I was the passenger as the primal part of my body took over completely and guided me through my birth. My midwife (whose name I have never been able to remember) suggested we disconnect the machines so I could walk to the toilet. It was such a shame that the monitor with all it’s leads and straps, couldn’t come into the bathroom. And that is where I spent the rest of my labour; as free as I could be, on labour mats on the bathroom floor - squatting, rocking and on all fours.

At some point through this we were joined by another wonderful midwife as my husband, bless his heart, hadn't returned yet. I distinctly recall the two of them, crouched down on the ground with me while I rocked on all fours commenting on how much they were enjoying sharing my birth with me.

After what felt like hours I sat on the toilet, exhausted and admitted to my midwifes that if this was going to go on for another 24 hours like the doctor had said, I didn't think I could do it. My midwife suggested we check how far dilated I was and reassured me that although it didn't really mean anything it might give us some idea of what options we could consider. I was 8cm and it was 4pm. I laughed hysterically when I thought of the poor doctor’s face who wasn't planning to come back until 7pm to see how I was progressing.

Sometime after this, who know how long as time passes in such a distorted way during labour, my husband arrived with my massive labour bag, full of all the thing I thought I needed to have during labour. That bag was never even touched. As another massive contraction rocked me and I dropped into a squat, I felt a twinge in my arm. As the wave passed I noticed blood running down my arm. I had somehow managed to rip that hated drip out of my arm and the midwife decided we would leave it out. I loved her so much as that moment. And then came that urge to push. That uncontrollable, indescribable feeling that rolls over your body and leaves you with no other choice but to let go and push with every fibre of your being. It was almost orgasmic, as each wave subsided and I rested, peaceful, in between.

I remember vaguely the doctor showing up at some stage too and there was a heated discussion between him and the midwife as he wouldn't examine me or deliver while I was on the floor. So she in her knowledgeable way suggested we put the birthing bean bag on the bed so the doctor was happy and I could be comfortable. You see why I call this woman my angel.

So there I was, fanny in the air for the doctor to gaze at and the contractions stopped. I was very mindful of the fact that my midwife had trusted in my body and allowed that drip to stay out. Also aware that putting it back in might cause the contraction to come too quickly for me to cope with now I told no-one. I waited as a contraction would begin to build but then it would peter out. I know now in hindsight that this was my bodies rest time and if I hadn't been forced to move out of my comfortable labour spot to a bean bag precariously balanced on a bed so a doctor could peer at my nether regions without having to bend over my contractions would have returned in their own time. But the doctor kept telling me I wasn't trying hard enough. I wasn't pushing probably. I was scared and had lost my safe space. He began saying things like this is taking too long, if you can't push this baby out soon we might have to order a c-section. I remember my key questions: Why do we have to do this? When do we need to decide by/how much time do we have? What are the alternatives?

Again my angel saved me. We tried some different positions, including lying on my side and slowly the contractions returned. I was only beginning to feel the crowning when the doctor stepped forward and decided I was too tired to push and an episiotomy needed to be done. He cut me as my contraction rode over me and I screamed and swore at him. It hurt more than the labour itself and I saw the shock in his eyes as he looked at me and gauged my reaction. I never felt the burning sensation that should have marked the stretching of my perineum and the crowning of my baby.

Despite his actions and after 2 hours of pushing my beautiful baby boy emerged into the world and was placed on my chest. And the final action my angel left me with was to still the doctor’s hand and wait for the cord to stop pulsating before it was cut.

The rush that swept over me was exhilarating; feelings of intense love, amazement and pride. I had birthed my baby. My body, my amazing body had created an entire human being and in such a primal act had delivered him into the outside world and it was beautiful.

Even though my birth was far from 'perfect' - whatever that is. It filled me with the most awe inspiring belief in the female form and the power of birth and today on my sons eighth birthday I again am so grateful to the people I encountered in my birthing journey; not only my miraculous midwife but all the other woman who helped me right my birth plan, talked to me about the process of birth, why it hurts, how to work with my body. The authors of books like 'New Active Birth' who educated me on how to allow my body to birth my baby. So many people who had a hand in guiding my feet onto the path of empowering birth.

In the aftermarth of a parenting crisis

Wow! We are having such an amazingly wonderful week here in my household (touch wood - a lot of wood) Hubby and I were sitting down watching a movie this evening marvelling at our two gorgeous kiddies playing together on the floor, showing such compassion and consideration for each other, sharing, negotiating. And and we looked at each other smiling I know we were both thinking the same thing - PHEW!

Parenting is by far the hardest, most time consuming, energy absorbing, thought contemplating, gut retching thing I have ever attempted! It feels like I am constantly evaluating and second guessing every choice and decision I make. It's exhausting - and that's just the part after the kids have gone to bed :-)

Recently we came to a crisis point in our parenting journey where it really felt like the wheels had fallen off our wagon. Our darling miss 3, who, far from perfect, has always been a delightful girl. Yes we have had a LOT of Moments when things were not so rosey but in that midnight hour when your drifting off to sleep overall she was delightful. However for the last 6 mths things have been strained to say the least. Words that pop to mind disagreeable, irritable, moody, stubborn, tantrum queen... banshee???

I think the worst point was when the director of the kindy pulled me aside one day to 'have a chat' about Miss A. I was lost for words. I had nothing. I felt like a parenting failure! Worse than that I felt like an attachment parenting failure. I left the kindy that day head hanging low having apologised to the teachers involved with my little miss' 35min scream fest admitting that something wasn't working and hadn't been working for a little while now. Quite honestly even my assurances that it was simply the upheaval of moving and changing family circumstances were sounding feeble to me. I set the target at June and assured the kindy director if there had been no improvements by then we would look into something... what I didn't know.

At home with hubby we discussed our little princess and her behaviours at home and at kindy and he immediately jumped to the "this attachment thing isn't working". And it was those words that had my head reeling - because I had heard them before! I cast my mind back to a similar age when my son was three or four and we had exactly the same war conference.

Then, same as now his thoughts turned to a more authoritarian and corporal punishment plan of attack. We as a parenting couple have always struggled with this. As much as he supports and will sing the praises of natural and attachment parenting; he was raised in a different environment to myself, works in a different environment to myself and he often falls back on that, as we all do. The one issue that always has us at our battle stations is smacking: he believes in it, I don't.

Smacking; or rather not smacking is something that I am vehemently opposed to and although as a parenting team we agree not to interfere when one of us is disciplining an incident we both know smacking gets my mother bear genes out and it aint going to be pretty. The war council continued between hubby and I and I would be lying if I said we were in agreeance. One of the many good things to come out if it was the deep discussions we had about how we perceive parenting, our role in it and how it makes us feel; in particular hubby's POV that he often felt useless and out of control when our babies were younger! (explains so much - must blog about it another time!) But at the end of our many late night discussions we came to a truce.

I read my favourite books, searching blogs and online articles looking for what we had done wrong or missed! In amongst the angst I felt over being held responsible for "spoiling" my child - insert visions overwhelming me of what a bratty little demanding child she was going to grow into unless I toughened up on her. I couldn't fight my instincts which were screaming at me. Deep inside all I could feel was that I had to do more, love her more, be there more, make her feel more secure and at peace rather giving her ultimatums and more opportunities to fail.

I looked at her and I could see a little girl coming into her new independence and being both frustrated and scared by it. I could see in her what I see in so many of my students. That thought process that any attention is good attention. Daily as a teacher I am faced with children who have been brought up in households where attention deficient has a whole new meaning. Where they will do just about anything to receive some form of attention from an adult whether it be a time out, a stern talking to or a detention. I was determined not to go down that road.

So I decided to double my efforts at this attachment parenting thing. We started baby wearing again (or rather toddler wearing) around the house. Going about chores, shopping etc. It gave us lots of time to talk without me feeling like I was either constantly walking away from her or sitting with her frustrated that I couldn't get anything done. We coslept more often so she was getting a sounder sleep and wasn't as tired from waking in the night looking for us. But my secret weapon! The one I have always stood by in parenting and teaching is to give them many opportunities to succeed and few to fail. We made sure we kept the boundaries and rules enforced and had reasonable consequences and we spoke about how it made us sad or happy when she did things. But we kept the boundaries simple so we weren't constantly saying "no" or giving her opportunities to defy or rebel. We praised her when she played well, helped out, did things herself. We did a lot with her, guiding her so she has the opportunity to get praise. Simple things like helping her get dressed (when I knew she was capable of it) and praising her while we did it; building her confidence and lathering the attention while reinforcing the good things we wanted her to do.

I also wrote a long heartfelt letter to the kindy director and the staff and explained our parenting ideals and how important they were to us. It was extremely difficult to lay our parenting on the table like that, knowing that from their point of view it wasn't working but I really felt that they needed to know how we did things and how I would like it continued at kindy so that Miss A was receiving the same message thoughout her day. I nervously popped it in her lunch box one morning as I was too chicken to give it to them directly and waited nervously for the reply. Nothing! It was a day or two later that one of the carers approached me and thanked me for the letter. She was in 100% agreement with our ideas and offered to work with us.

The transformation was a slow one. One in fact I didn't see until just recently. June came and went without anymore "chats" with the director. My darling Miss A received the "star of the day" award 3 times! She is helping more, being more independent and generally delightful again. The greatest joy by far was her report card from her dance teacher at kindy who stated that she was "the most genuinely happy child she had ever met." And now hubby and I are sitting on lounge watching our happy contented children feeling a little chuffed that the those terrible tantrums are behind us - no doubt luring us into a false sense of security before the next parenting crisis hits.

Big Steps!

I'm the proudest mother this week. My little girl is learning to go to sleep all by herself. How old is she? She's three and a half. And no by learning I don't mean we are locking her in her room each night and letting her sob herself to sleep like so many littlies do each night. I was planning on stating something like "not that there is anything wrong with that" to try and keep the peace, but I couldn't do it... because in my heart there is something wrong with that, very wrong.

Now I know each parent is different and each circumstance unique, and yes I have heard some families state it was the only way their child would sleep. But I'm sorry, I still don't get it and I can't condone it. But I'm not going to go into the statistics and the research that supports gentle sleeping methods. I wanted to share my joy of my darling making this choice to want to try and go to sleep by herself. A decision she came to by herself and is ready to attempt.

I know most people in our circle of real life family and friends (as opposed to my online friends who share similar thoughts and ideals) have often thought we were a little weird. The comments that we would spoil our children seemed to stop after our son was 2-3 ish? Maybe they realised we didn't really care about their opinion, or maybe they could see the beautiful, confident and gentle child he was growing into. We lived through the many rolled eyes when we had friends over or were visiting relatives when either my husband or I would excuse ourselves to go and spend 20-30 min reading and then sitting quietly beside our child's bed while they chatted and then slowly drifted off to sleep. But honestly it never bothered me. I knew in my heart that these days were numbered and one day they would be grown up and they wouldn't want us there anymore.

That doesn't mean there wasn't times when I would sit there willing them to go to sleep just a little faster. Or wish desperately that they would go to sleep on their own because I had a million things to do; assignments due in, work to do, friends laughing and chatting without me. But at times like this when I felt the most irritated and impatient I also discovered that not only was I wasting this special time but my pent up frustration wasn't helping anyone to find a restful sleep. It was only when I calmed down and took some deep restful breaths myself that both of us could find some peace!

My son is 7 now and is reading massive chapter books by himself before turning off the lights and heading to sleep. Sometimes, only sometimes he might allow me to read to him or he'll clamber in with his sister for a shared story... but he tells me reading is much faster when you do it yourself and you get to the exciting bits faster :-) So my daughter and I (and my husband when it's his turn) have come to enjoy this quiet family time after dinner and baths when everyone is snuggling up and ready for bed and now our youngest has decided she too is ready to go to sleep by herself.

We've read her the books, snuggled and hugged goodnight, switched of the light and told her we'll be back to check on her. I hover by the door ready to go in a a moments notice, humming quietly so she knows I'm nearby. And sometimes she'll call out and ask if I'll sit with her for just a little while, telling me the whole time what a big girl she is and that she doesn't need us anymore. And I know she is learning to go to sleep by herself. What wonderful healthy loving sleep habits to develop. Knowing someone who loves you is always right there and feeling so confident in herself that she doesn't need us anymore. I can only hope that this beautiful self-confidence continues to grow and guide her in her other choices in life.

And as we farewell another step in parenthood, I'm a little sad; well OK a lot. To say goodbye to those precious bedtime moments but I know there are plenty more special moments we'll have as both our children grow and learn and at least I feel in my heart that we have done the "right thing", whatever that is. We have done our best to raise our children up the way it feels right inside, listening to our intuition and our hearts and loving every minute of it.

Powered up

As some of you know our family recently bought a house and are in the process of renovating. The great thing about it is all the opportunities we have to go green along the way. However as we have discovered going green is not always the easiest and cheapest option when it comes to renovations and buildings.

One thing my economical husband has always approved of is energy saving. More for the money aspect than the environment but he is committed which keeps me in line. This house however seems to be as energy conscious as my partner and has a tendency to throw the towel in if we turn on more than 4 appliances at once. Although frustrating for the first few weeks it has now become such an ingrained part of our life that I’m almost pleased. It has raised our families’ awareness of how much power we truly use each and every day.

Recently I was discussing my power issues with my 7th grade class as part of our sustainability unit and I posed the question to them of how many electrical appliances were turned on in their home in the afternoon. The number had my jaw dropping! Some students reported over 30 things being switched on or on stand-by in one hour long session in the afternoon. This discussion was pre-empted by my statement that electricity usage in our city is three times what it was ten years ago. So many things we consider (or rather don’t consider) important in our lives today are powered by electricity: cordless phones, computers, tv, gaming systems, mobile phones, ipods, CD players, DVD players, stoves, microwaves and dishwashers. The list is endless.

It was great to hear the students discussing their power usage and some even discussing the results of having an power monitor provided by the governments Climate Smart Home’s initiative.

So our energy issues prompted some action, obviously we were going to need an electrician! But at the same time it got us thinking solar. We have dabbled in solar power before; installing a solar hot water system in a previous house and at a recent home show we discussed the possibility of going all solar with this place however the dollar signs put the brakes on that one pretty fast. However with energy prices set to rise over the next five years we figured why not get the whole lot done now.

So over the coming few weeks we are having first the hot water and then the electricity panels installed and we’ll be powered up again. And the more we researched the more it seems like the country is abuzz with renewable energy ideas. With both state and federal governments offering incentives to homes, schools and businesses to install solar panels to feed into the power grid my mind was filled with images of energy self-sufficient towns and cities. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it became standard for all homes to supply some if not all of their power through solar, wind and other renewable energy sources. If every city was a solar city, not just a chosen few.

Already you can see examples of homes and businesses embracing the solar concept such as this house.


And this amazing building; the Sanyo Solar Ark, built out of reject solar pannels destined for the rubbish dump



And although our place is never going to be an architextual marvel nor 100% self-sufficient, the most exciting part is yet to come as we explore options for passive heating and cooling and continue to try and reshape our house into an eco friendly, sustainable home. My brain is just exploding with ideas regarding skylights, use of vegetation to direct airflow and sunlight and using simple things like windows, louvers and insulation to cool and warm our house - maybe even a green wall or green roof? The options are endless!

Be part of the revolution!

I love being right. Don’t you? And I’m sure in the past few years since my passion for natural parenting and chemical free living has grown there have been many times when my husband has shaken his head, convinced the woman he married has run off and instead he is living with some hippie woman who ultimately want to live in far off woop woop without electricity and running water. But recently it seems the rest of the world is catching up with what a lot of us have known for a long time; many of the things in our everyday lives are not good for us. The most recently publicised the steps taken by the FDA in Australia to encourage major retailers to phase out baby bottles containing BPA or bisphenol A.

I said to my husband just over 12 months ago – that’s it we are getting rid of all this plastic stuff. I banned plastic water bottles, unless they were BPA free and got the kids stainless steel bottles instead. I’m sure he thought I was off my rocker when I ditched a lot of our “microwave safe” stuff and headed for glass. Probably the last straw was when I started sending his lunch in cloth wrappers. But being the patient and cautious man he is. He put up with my notions and I was proud to be able to stand up and say – I told you so now that acknowledgement has been made about concerns over the dangers of BPA and phalates in plastic products.
What a great time to be part of the revolution when it seems finally science is backing up what many have thought for a very long time. Just looking around the supermarket shelves you can see what a difference knowledge and the power of the consumer dollar can have as more and more people are searching for chemical free living products.

More and more food without artificial colours, flavours and preservative (yes I know scoring the trifecta is still difficult but compared to five years ago – wow what a difference.) You can even purchase cleaning products and personal care products like toothpaste and shampoo in the mainstream supermarkets that are petrochemical free. You may have been one of the people who saw an ecstatic woman jumping around excitedly in the cleaning isle last week when I found 3 – yes 3 different brands of dishwasher tablets that were plant based and eco-friendly – not just with low potassium and sodium.

I often used to sit morosely wondering what the world would be like in 50 years time but it small steps like this that have me picturing perhaps a better future than I would have thought. One where our scientific advances have worked to create a truly better world, not just for us, but for the world itself. Where maybe my dream of living in Woop-Woop completely self sustained will be the norm rather than the exception.

Looking after the most important asset

Congratulations you have welcomed a little bundle of joy into your life and you are determined to give this “attachment parenting” or “natural parenting” thing a go. You’ve got the cloth nappies washed and ready to go, organic babywear, you’ve got you new fandangled sling, are exclusively breastfeeding and have no need for a cot cause your cosleeping baby!

But day one comes around and you can’t quite work out how the sling is meant to sit, bub looks all squished and not at all comfy, your nipples are sore and possibly cracked and Aunt Jo just rolled her eyes as you put baby to the breast for the third time that afternoon. Your beautiful cloth nappies are in need of the cleaning fairy and your partner assumed hooking up the little squirt was as much involvement as would be required when it came to handling dirty nappies. Cosleeping is great except you haven’t slept a wink because you are so afraid of rolling on baby. You are exhausted, strung out and never knew a shower would become your main goal of the day.

Each day you are feeling the pressure from those around you in society and perhaps even your own family. Your well-meaning partner might suggest they pop down the road and pick up a packet of disposables or some artificial breastmilk and it is easy to start feeling overwhelmed, guilty and loose sight of what was important in the first place

“Natural Parents” or parents who practice gentle methods of parenting have a reputation for being very laid back, relaxed and in some detrimental articles just plain lazy. In my experience parents exploring intuitive parenting are some of the most well informed and hard – working parents around. They are constantly evaluating their parenting choices, researching and searching for the best possible methods to raise happy and healthy children. But often us parents today have some very high expectations of ourselves and can quite easily become disillusioned, guilt- ridden and overworked.

The important thing to remember is that you are your babies most important asset, without you there is no attachment or instinct so you need to be looking after yourselves. Here are some ideas that might help as you consider taking some natural or instinctive parenting choices no mater where you are on the continuum.

Look after yourself

The old adage of ‘sleep when baby sleeps’ is old for a reason – it’s true and it works. Sleep wherever you are comfortable as long as baby is safe. If bub is happiest cosleeping with you then do it. As long as you are on a secure surface (not too soft) and baby is in no danger of rolling off then the extra security of your smell, sounds and touch will ensure a better sleep for both of you.

Although research has shown that, mother’s in particular, as long as they are not under the influence of drug or alcohol have an innate ability to sense where there baby is and often perform simple checking mechanism in their sleep without even waking. . However if it is making you nervous and upsetting you or your partners sleep there are a number of aids you can look into including side car cribs, sleepers that fit in your bed and speciality pillows designed to create a safe sleeping barrier between members of the family in the bed. Even having the cot in your room can carry many of the benefits of traditional co-sleeping.

Eat well and drink water. Have a supply or quick easy snacks to grab on the go so you can keep your energy levels up. If your partner is working or you have well-meaning friends they might make you some lunch and pop it in the fridge for you to grab when you can.

Remember to set aside “me” time to recharge your batteries it might only be once a week or it might be 5 minutes before you go to bed to clear your head, reflect, read and relax.

Look after your partner

Keep up the communication and discuss what is happening. Often we can feel our days are not as interesting if we are at home or alternatively if you are back in the workforce you might feel guilty about enjoying the time away for the day to day chores. It is also important to discuss parenting ideals. Some partners can struggle with concepts behind gentle or natural parenting alternatives, especially if they weren’t privy to the reasoning’s behind the ideas and theories.

Make sure you talk about what is working for them, their concerns and ideas as well as what you have read or learnt. It is easy for partners to feel ‘out of control’ also which can lead to them feeling frustrated and excluded. Discussing what is happening and why you as a family have chosen the path you are on is so important to creating a harmonious parenting environment. Talk, talk and talk!

Tackling too much at once

When we start to see all the alternatives in natural parenting it is easy to try and change your life overnight. It might be a bit much to tackling cloth nappying, chemical free cleaning, organic cooking, baby wearing and homeschooling all in one week. Start off easy and give yourself time. If you need to buy disposables or commercial cleaners remind yourself of all the good you have done already compared to if you had never started making changes.

Start small and work your way up to bigger things, try part-time nappying or eliminate the worst of your cleaners before throwing out your whole personal care range.

Talk to others.

Another old adage; ‘don’t reinvent the wheel’ holds true here too. The natural parenting community is unique in that it is filled with knowledgeable parents with similar ideals who want to share their little tricks of the trade that they have come up with. Chat with them and use the resources available to you.

There are organisations that offer babywearing clinics and even loan out different babycarriers. The Australian Nappy network can organise a volunteer to show you the different types of nappies available to you. Talk to other parents about how they made chemical free living, homeschooling or breastfeeding work for them. And don’t stop there – ask a few people and get all their ideas so you can formulate your own plan of attack.

Most importantly don’t forget what brought you to this point in time in the first place – your instincts! If it doesn’t feel right for your family, if it is too hard or causing too much stress then maybe it’s not right for you? Sometimes challenges we face can be overcome but if you have been struggling with a concept for a while then perhaps it’s worth re-evaluating whether or not that choice is really right for you and if it really is instinctive to you.

Have you got any ideas or tips to share with parents new to natural, gentle or instinctive parenting? We would love to hear from you

Are you still wearing that thing

I opened one of our packing boxes today and found the thing I had been searching for for the past four months... our sling! Well our Ergo to be exact but each to their own.

To be honest I didn't even realise I had left it behind until we had settled in our new town, my daughter had started full time daycare for the first time ever, her father was away for work for 6 weeks and we were living in a different house. That was when my normally exuberant and independent little girl started becoming very clingy and demanding.

I was struggling to cope with her new behaviour and close to pulling my hair out. I understood why she wanted to be with me so much with all the changes and upheavals but I was struggling to cope with meeting her needs for comfort and my need to be able to move around and do things. What I would have done for my Ergo!

The benefits for carrying infants are reasonably well known (well amongst babywearers at least) ; babies cry less, feed better, gain weight quicker, maternal depression rates are lower and general well being is higher. Many peer-reviewed and scientific journals make comment on the correlation between maintaining high levels of contact and "in arms" time and more independent, well behaved children with greater emotional stability and ability to handle stress in later life. Societies where babywearing is the norm have lower incidence of violence and children are more obedient, and are more emotionally stable.

However I had not really considered babywearing past the toddler stage. By around 2 both my kidlets were more than happy to cruise around independently and the need for the carrier decreased. But then we had never had so many upheavals as we have had this year.

As soon as I opened the box and pulled out our trusty old Ergo my daughter was ecstatic. We popped on the backpack and she climbed and there she sat happily chatting away for over an hour while I went about unpacking, putting away washing and doing homework with my older son. Both our stress levels dropped dramatically from what had been a guilt ridden flurry of activity while I attempted to rush around doing the domestic chores that needed to be done while trying to give my attention equally to both my kids to a pleasant calm experience where everyone was getting what they wanted.

Even my husband could see the benefits when he walked in the doors to a house full of happy family instead of the stressed out banshee family he has been coming home to lately and in answer to his comment - "Are you still wearing that thing? with a massive smile plastered across his face. I say a big heartfelt YES to toddler and small child wearing and encourage you to try it out if your not already!

If you would like more information about slings and carriers and what type would suit you and your family you can check out this link here

http://naturalparent.com.au/category_14/Babywearing-slings-and-carriers.htm

Always Read The Label

“Always read the label and follow the directions”, an adage my mum drilled into me after a family friend killed their entire lawn using weed killer instead of fertilizer and one that has stuck. Now that we are switching over to a chemical free lifestyle however the meaning behind the saying has taken on a new perspective. Rather then needing to read the label and follow the directions to prevent giving myself chemical burns or killing my lawn it is more about finding out what is really in many products marketing themselves as “natural”.

As part of another little piece I am writing about the emergence of more commercial products geared at being eco-friendly and natural I was dismayed to find so much false advertising out there in so many products. And it was also sad to see the number of people who are out there trying to purchase products that are better for themselves and the environment and are being lead astray. Some of the worst being baby products.

The current trend seems to be to add some natural plant extracts to the end of a product and brandish it as natural. In cleaning products it is usually the lower rates of phosphates that allows them to stamp “ECO-FRIENDLY” all over their packaging but being eco-friendly does not mean that it’s skin friendly. Probably the worst example I found was insect killer with natural ingredients! Clearly adding a natural insecticide to an aerosol can makes everything better, anyone who has walked into the room after it has been sprayed with insect killer will be able to tell that ain’t good for you!

But it doesn’t stop at personal care and cleaning products. A recent war has been declared on artificial colours, flavours and preservatives; particularly in kids food. So many products these days are appealing to parents trying to give their children healthy food however it seems most of these products are just trading one nasty for another. Most which claim they have no artificial colours are loaded with preservatives, flavour enhancers, and other unnecessary numbered ingredients. Those claiming to have nothing artificial often contain sneaky little natural additives like colour 160B or annatto which has been shown to be just as effective at causing food intolerances as the artificial ones. Those that are low in sugar are either high in fat or artifical sweetners. Shopping for us these days has become more of an exercise in skim reading and in addition to juggling the kids and the calculator I have a card of additives to avoid and the internet to google the sneaky names of chemicals companies change to hide what's really in them

Don’t even get me started on labelling of toddler milk substitutes and the adding of dietary supplements to each and every food including bread and milk.

So in this day and age it is so important that we are out there reading the labels and instead of following the directions, follow your instincts and refuse to fill your bodies and houses with numbers and ingredients you can’t pronounce.

For more info on chemicals to avoid check out these articles

http://naturalparent.com.au/category_16/Toxic-Chemicals-in-Your-Home.htm

Crying out against Crying It Out

Last night as I switched off the lamp after reading to Mr X and Miss A in our suburban house I was deeply saddened. Echoing around our snugly little cocoon were the cries of many babies and toddlers crying themselves to sleep. As a talked gently with my children and we reflected on our days and they quietly turned and fell asleep I stayed and listened to the anguished cries slowly lessen and fade as more babies resigned themselves to being abandoned.

What made me sadder was the fact that dotted around in the houses I'm sure were pockets of parents with their instincts screaming to them to run and and cuddle their bubs yet the "experts" tell them this is the wrong thing to do. I remember when the "experts" told me when my son was 9mths old that I too 'needed' to do this - despite my assurances that I was more than happy with night-time parenting. I remembered fondly the quiet hours I spent settling my newborns; rocking, breastfeeding and co sleeping imagining the network of other new mothers who were also gently settling their babies in these twilight hours. I knew my friends were doing the same but I guess I was naive to imagine that the "cry it out" message had gone out of fashion simply because I moved into a new circle of friends.

The fact is more and more parents seem to be listening to the "cry it out" message despite many parenting experts warning against it's use. Parenting groups are again at odds as parents try and find their way through all the "recommendations and manuals" on how to have a perfect baby instead of listening to their instincts. Why is it that society now feels children need to be managed like an inconvenience? Something that needs to be scheduled and regimented for what benefit? Has society forgotten what parenting is about; caring for our offspring, our children who are too helpless to care for themselves.

Human Beings are physically and mentally geared to care instinctively for their children. Pinky McKay in her book, "Sleeping Like A Baby" discusses the physical changes that take place in a woman prior to birth to assist with bonding and the results in that deeply instinctive reaction to a crying baby including the 'let down' reflects experienced by breastfeeding mothers. The hormonal changes similarly effect the partners via pheromones which is why parents feel that urge to pick up a crying baby. If you ever watch someone handling a baby you will notice instinctive reactions such as rocking, "shhhing" and skin to skin contact. All instinctive reactions to caring for offspring. Yet we are encouraged to deny these instincts and teach our children to be independent and "self settle"?

Robin Grille in his book "Heart to Heart Parenting" quotes a statement from the Australian Association of Infant Mental Health which say "AAIMHI is concerned that the widely practised technique of controlled crying is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended emotional consequences". He goes on to state that when babies subjected to controlled crying do eventually fall asleep it is not the blissful slumber parents imagine, it is more of a numbing or shutting down reaction that can lead to a permanent change in the child's ability to deal with stress and relationships in later life. You won't find that in the parenting manuals!

Babies are not meant to be alone. They are not mentally able to understand when a parent leaves, that they will return; so when a parent turns and closes that door - they are gone forever as far as baby is concerned. Babies who experience controlled crying or controlled comforting are exposed to increased levels of stress hormones and can even experience infant depression. Perhaps when psychologists examine the increase rates of depression in adult they should investigate a correlation between numbers of infants exposed to controlled crying and depression and inappropriate stress reactions in adults??

Controlled crying or scheduled settling techniques can also have an impact on breastfeeding and weight gain as it decreases contact and encourages extended periods between feeds which decreases breastfeeding supply and also means babies have less access to nutrition. Science tells us that babies are physiologically designed to feed every few hours which should give the called "experts" the heads up on what instinctive parents already know. Babies wake up frequently because they need to. But most importantly we need to recognise that their is more to living then whether or not a person receives the recommended daily intake of nutrients. Anyone who has a basic knowledge of human psychology will recognise Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs which recognises that above physiological needs are emotional needs. It also recognises that without the emotional needs being met a person cannot reach the highest order of personal security and self-esteem.

What can't be forgotten however is the fact that across the modern world thousand of parents are struggling with sleep and night-time parenting. While it is OK for me to stand here and shout the praises of gentle sleeping I have also felt that frustration of the child that has woken for the 12th time that night, when your eyeballs are hanging out of your head and your so tired that you fell asleep fully clothed. So what is the alternative?

Firstly we have a barrage of social 'hangups' that we need to put aside - like all the other helpful parenting advice or grandma who suggested you pee over draino to see if you were carrying a boy or a girl. Learn about the mechanics of sleep and attachment and why your baby is waking. If baby will only nap with you - get a sling. If cosleeping works for your family then try it. Breaastfeed to sleep if you can - nature made breastmilk just for that purpose! You are not making a rod for your back, you are gently raising a human being

Secondly accept that you are parenting a child; and your baby has only been on this planet for a very very short time. They have the rest of their lives to develop independence and resilience and they will do this so much better when they know their parents will always be there to love them unconditionally.

Thirdly - look for alternatives. So many parents are stuck with controlled crying because no one else has any other suggestions. But they do exist! Gentle sleep techniques that really work - for more details you can check out our list here. But remember when all else fails - it is only a moment in time, this too will pass so snuggle up and get the sleep where and when you can. Your child is not manipulating you and to my knowledge there aren't any 8 year olds that still need to be rocked to sleep or cuddled in a sling.

http://naturalparent.com.au/category_47/Gentle-sleeping.htm