Congratulations you have welcomed a little bundle of joy into your life and you are determined to give this “attachment parenting” or “natural parenting” thing a go. You’ve got the cloth nappies washed and ready to go, organic babywear, you’ve got you new fandangled sling, are exclusively breastfeeding and have no need for a cot cause your cosleeping baby!
But day one comes around and you can’t quite work out how the sling is meant to sit, bub looks all squished and not at all comfy, your nipples are sore and possibly cracked and Aunt Jo just rolled her eyes as you put baby to the breast for the third time that afternoon. Your beautiful cloth nappies are in need of the cleaning fairy and your partner assumed hooking up the little squirt was as much involvement as would be required when it came to handling dirty nappies. Cosleeping is great except you haven’t slept a wink because you are so afraid of rolling on baby. You are exhausted, strung out and never knew a shower would become your main goal of the day.
Each day you are feeling the pressure from those around you in society and perhaps even your own family. Your well-meaning partner might suggest they pop down the road and pick up a packet of disposables or some artificial breastmilk and it is easy to start feeling overwhelmed, guilty and loose sight of what was important in the first place
“Natural Parents” or parents who practice gentle methods of parenting have a reputation for being very laid back, relaxed and in some detrimental articles just plain lazy. In my experience parents exploring intuitive parenting are some of the most well informed and hard – working parents around. They are constantly evaluating their parenting choices, researching and searching for the best possible methods to raise happy and healthy children. But often us parents today have some very high expectations of ourselves and can quite easily become disillusioned, guilt- ridden and overworked.
The important thing to remember is that you are your babies most important asset, without you there is no attachment or instinct so you need to be looking after yourselves. Here are some ideas that might help as you consider taking some natural or instinctive parenting choices no mater where you are on the continuum.
Look after yourself
The old adage of ‘sleep when baby sleeps’ is old for a reason – it’s true and it works. Sleep wherever you are comfortable as long as baby is safe. If bub is happiest cosleeping with you then do it. As long as you are on a secure surface (not too soft) and baby is in no danger of rolling off then the extra security of your smell, sounds and touch will ensure a better sleep for both of you.
Although research has shown that, mother’s in particular, as long as they are not under the influence of drug or alcohol have an innate ability to sense where there baby is and often perform simple checking mechanism in their sleep without even waking. . However if it is making you nervous and upsetting you or your partners sleep there are a number of aids you can look into including side car cribs, sleepers that fit in your bed and speciality pillows designed to create a safe sleeping barrier between members of the family in the bed. Even having the cot in your room can carry many of the benefits of traditional co-sleeping.
Eat well and drink water. Have a supply or quick easy snacks to grab on the go so you can keep your energy levels up. If your partner is working or you have well-meaning friends they might make you some lunch and pop it in the fridge for you to grab when you can.
Remember to set aside “me” time to recharge your batteries it might only be once a week or it might be 5 minutes before you go to bed to clear your head, reflect, read and relax.
Look after your partner
Keep up the communication and discuss what is happening. Often we can feel our days are not as interesting if we are at home or alternatively if you are back in the workforce you might feel guilty about enjoying the time away for the day to day chores. It is also important to discuss parenting ideals. Some partners can struggle with concepts behind gentle or natural parenting alternatives, especially if they weren’t privy to the reasoning’s behind the ideas and theories.
Make sure you talk about what is working for them, their concerns and ideas as well as what you have read or learnt. It is easy for partners to feel ‘out of control’ also which can lead to them feeling frustrated and excluded. Discussing what is happening and why you as a family have chosen the path you are on is so important to creating a harmonious parenting environment. Talk, talk and talk!
Tackling too much at once
When we start to see all the alternatives in natural parenting it is easy to try and change your life overnight. It might be a bit much to tackling cloth nappying, chemical free cleaning, organic cooking, baby wearing and homeschooling all in one week. Start off easy and give yourself time. If you need to buy disposables or commercial cleaners remind yourself of all the good you have done already compared to if you had never started making changes.
Start small and work your way up to bigger things, try part-time nappying or eliminate the worst of your cleaners before throwing out your whole personal care range.
Talk to others.
Another old adage; ‘don’t reinvent the wheel’ holds true here too. The natural parenting community is unique in that it is filled with knowledgeable parents with similar ideals who want to share their little tricks of the trade that they have come up with. Chat with them and use the resources available to you.
There are organisations that offer babywearing clinics and even loan out different babycarriers. The Australian Nappy network can organise a volunteer to show you the different types of nappies available to you. Talk to other parents about how they made chemical free living, homeschooling or breastfeeding work for them. And don’t stop there – ask a few people and get all their ideas so you can formulate your own plan of attack.
Most importantly don’t forget what brought you to this point in time in the first place – your instincts! If it doesn’t feel right for your family, if it is too hard or causing too much stress then maybe it’s not right for you? Sometimes challenges we face can be overcome but if you have been struggling with a concept for a while then perhaps it’s worth re-evaluating whether or not that choice is really right for you and if it really is instinctive to you.
Have you got any ideas or tips to share with parents new to natural, gentle or instinctive parenting? We would love to hear from you
