Big Steps!

I'm the proudest mother this week. My little girl is learning to go to sleep all by herself. How old is she? She's three and a half. And no by learning I don't mean we are locking her in her room each night and letting her sob herself to sleep like so many littlies do each night. I was planning on stating something like "not that there is anything wrong with that" to try and keep the peace, but I couldn't do it... because in my heart there is something wrong with that, very wrong.

Now I know each parent is different and each circumstance unique, and yes I have heard some families state it was the only way their child would sleep. But I'm sorry, I still don't get it and I can't condone it. But I'm not going to go into the statistics and the research that supports gentle sleeping methods. I wanted to share my joy of my darling making this choice to want to try and go to sleep by herself. A decision she came to by herself and is ready to attempt.

I know most people in our circle of real life family and friends (as opposed to my online friends who share similar thoughts and ideals) have often thought we were a little weird. The comments that we would spoil our children seemed to stop after our son was 2-3 ish? Maybe they realised we didn't really care about their opinion, or maybe they could see the beautiful, confident and gentle child he was growing into. We lived through the many rolled eyes when we had friends over or were visiting relatives when either my husband or I would excuse ourselves to go and spend 20-30 min reading and then sitting quietly beside our child's bed while they chatted and then slowly drifted off to sleep. But honestly it never bothered me. I knew in my heart that these days were numbered and one day they would be grown up and they wouldn't want us there anymore.

That doesn't mean there wasn't times when I would sit there willing them to go to sleep just a little faster. Or wish desperately that they would go to sleep on their own because I had a million things to do; assignments due in, work to do, friends laughing and chatting without me. But at times like this when I felt the most irritated and impatient I also discovered that not only was I wasting this special time but my pent up frustration wasn't helping anyone to find a restful sleep. It was only when I calmed down and took some deep restful breaths myself that both of us could find some peace!

My son is 7 now and is reading massive chapter books by himself before turning off the lights and heading to sleep. Sometimes, only sometimes he might allow me to read to him or he'll clamber in with his sister for a shared story... but he tells me reading is much faster when you do it yourself and you get to the exciting bits faster :-) So my daughter and I (and my husband when it's his turn) have come to enjoy this quiet family time after dinner and baths when everyone is snuggling up and ready for bed and now our youngest has decided she too is ready to go to sleep by herself.

We've read her the books, snuggled and hugged goodnight, switched of the light and told her we'll be back to check on her. I hover by the door ready to go in a a moments notice, humming quietly so she knows I'm nearby. And sometimes she'll call out and ask if I'll sit with her for just a little while, telling me the whole time what a big girl she is and that she doesn't need us anymore. And I know she is learning to go to sleep by herself. What wonderful healthy loving sleep habits to develop. Knowing someone who loves you is always right there and feeling so confident in herself that she doesn't need us anymore. I can only hope that this beautiful self-confidence continues to grow and guide her in her other choices in life.

And as we farewell another step in parenthood, I'm a little sad; well OK a lot. To say goodbye to those precious bedtime moments but I know there are plenty more special moments we'll have as both our children grow and learn and at least I feel in my heart that we have done the "right thing", whatever that is. We have done our best to raise our children up the way it feels right inside, listening to our intuition and our hearts and loving every minute of it.